| |
|
|
|
| |
| The boy looked up for a split second(Church Jokes) |
|
This last week at Elementary church camp the campers learned about the sacredness of creation. A young boy was with his group "creeking" and caught a frog. He turned to his counselor and realized that the right thing to do would be to let the little frog go, as not to have it die. As he released the frog, a fish came to the surface and ate the frog. The boy looked up for a split second, then jumped in the small creek. He caught the fish and beat it over the head with a large stick for killing his frog.
Church for this drunk
A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over and tired, he finally nods off.
The priest has been watching him all along, noticing his apparent hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the preacher decides to make an example of him.
He says to his congregation, "All those wishing to have a place in heaven, please stand."
The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping man.
Then the preacher says even more loudly, "And he who would like to find a place in hell please STAND UP!"
The weary man catching only the last part groggily stands up, only to find that he's the only one standing.
Confused and embarrassed he says, "I don't know what we're voting on here, Father, but it sure seems like you and me are the only ones standing for it!"
Pastor painting church
It seems that there was a little old church out in the countryside: painted white and with a high steeple.
One Sunday, the pastor noticed that his church needed painting. He checked out the Sunday ads and found a paint sale. The next day, he went into town and bought a gallon of white paint. He went back out to the church and began the job.
He got done with the first side. It was looking great. But he noticed he had already used a half gallon. He didn't want to run back in town and being the creative person that he was, he found a gallon of thinner in the shed out back, and began to thin his paint.
It worked out great. He finished the remaining three sides with that last half gallon of paint.
That night, it rained: it rained hard. The next morning when he stepped outside of the parsonage to admire his work, he saw that the first side was looking great, but that the paint on the other three sides had washed away.
The pastor looked up in sky in anguish and cried out, "What shall I do?"
A voice came back from the heavens saying, "Repaint, and thin no more!"
Church Bloopers
This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers...
Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".
Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11th.
Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER and FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
Blonde Mating Call (PG) |
  |
05, Sep 2006 |
|
Superman |
|
02, Jun 2006 |
|
Blonde - Tracks (PG) |
|
05, Sep 2006 |
|
Things a good dog remembers |
|
13, Jul 2006 |
|
Computers are like air conditioners |
|
27, May 2006 |
|
Lipstick on the Streering Wheel (X) |
|
05, Sep 2006 |
|
Michael Jackson |
|
02, Jun 2006 |
|
female jokes :Jamaica |
|
20, Jun 2006 |
|
Redneck Joke:Double Shot of Redneckness |
|
11, Jun 2006 |
|
Funny Instructions |
|
02, Jun 2006 |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
